five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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