Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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