Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
