Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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