Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
