I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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