even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i've created a new STD.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My bed smells like the plague
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
