The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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