..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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