so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
