tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Buhtt sex?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
