You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
