How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
