I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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