My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
