i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
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She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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