I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
