So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
