this beer tastes like vomit already
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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