I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
