Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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