I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
