Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
