remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
