The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
