so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Did I show you my penis last night?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
