You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
