My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My feet surprised me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
