I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
