I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize