My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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