I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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