Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
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The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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