i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
