I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
