she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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