My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
