From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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