Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
