someone get that fucking seahorse.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
