the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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