We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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