I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
