just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
