he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it's great music for shaving your balls
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
