someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
