that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
