I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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