I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
