It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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