Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
