Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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