She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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