Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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