I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
