when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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