He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wish my penis had a tongue
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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