He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
