Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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