I can tuck mytits in my pants
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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