Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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