its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
