also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
