I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
