he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
