The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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