Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
