she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
