Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
