I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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