Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
