Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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